


Between the Lines of Fear and Blame

by orphan_account



Category: Hockey RPF, Hunger Games (2012) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Carolina Hurricanes, Except maybe that one guy, I have once again made Troy Crosby a bad person and I'm terribly sorry, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, New York Rangers, No one was actually harmed in the making of this fic, Not everything is so good on the sod farm, Pittsburgh Penguins, Sid is a sucker for falling in love with his best friends, Song lyrics as the title, This is so not a rivalry, Washington Capitals, depressed!Sid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-02-27 06:57:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2683496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's been through a lot, but it gets worse. It always does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work is largely inspired by the song How to Save a Life by the Fray and the Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.
> 
> There is going to be a lot of gore as greatly described as i can and mentions to rape and almost-rape. There's also going to be some serious emotional stuff that'll happen that may cause you to get some tissues. If that's not your cup of tea I suggest leaving.

Chapter One:

The Games have been an annual part of everyone's life since before anyone reading this has ever been born, or even their great-grandparents. An annual event that lasts two months of the tear, leaving plenty of time in between.

To make up for the ten months of 'boredom' - as so the Capital called it - organized sports were created. Because these people are blood and gore obsessed (if taking two boys away from their family every year to watch them fight to the death was any indication) sports were violent at first.

Things changed when they started to realize their athletes were killing each other whenever they hit someone on the opposing team. Pads and rules were added, scientists find a way to make the game safer, and everyone got their fill of violence 365 days a year.

No athletes are former Victors. The popular ones stay in the Capital, and the others usually hole themselves up in their houses and drink all the alcohol they can until they perish. Most teams also are a little reluctant to sign anyone who had ever participated in the Games because they're unaware of their true mental state.

There are, of course, some exceptions.


	2. Chapter 2

_Sidney couldn't help but smile at the boy standing just across from him. His best friend, his boyfriend, his partner. Jack waves, a matching grin on his gorgeous face. Sid can't help but get lost in those beautiful eyes- but then the snare almost snaps on his finger and he forces himself to look at the mechanism in front of him._

_He chews on his bottom lip as he works. When he thinks he has it, he steps back, looking it over._

_"Sidney! **Run!** "_

_Sid's head jerks up, instinctively going for the knife attached to his belt, only to realize it's on the ground. He bends down, picking up the weapon, eyes searching for Jack- where the fuck is he?_

_A dirty blonde head of hair bursts from the trees. Sidney isn't fast enough to react when an axe splits his head open._

_He gapes at the scene. Jack -_ his _Jack - lying on the ground, blood oozing from his head, obviously dead. Sid covers his mouth with his hand, forcing down a scream._

_"Come on! He's right over here!" A Philadelphia accented voice shouts._

_Sid takes one last look at Jack - the love of his life - and bolts._

Three years later, Sidney shakes Mario Lemieux's hand, the Pittsburgh Penguins logo donned on his chest.

When he meets the team, it's refreshing. They know him as Sidney Crosby the hockey player, not Sidney Crosby the survivor. He wants to keep it that way for as long as he can.

Sidney loves Mario, he's so different from Troy - the asshole he called his father, who only uses his as a possession, a contract - because Mario cared. There's no one forcing Mario to let Sid move in, to give him a warm bed and feed him properly. He doesn't have to - he wants to. It breaks Sid's heart. If Mario knew what a monster he is, the people he killed, the man would slam the door in his face and trade him on instant.

Half way through their season, Sid had managed to wake up before his nightmares becomes to bad. Tonight is different - he feels like he's in the dream, in the arena. As his clothes are being torn off, a knife pressed to his throat, he shouts for help-

"Sid." A voice above his says, shaking him. Sidney opens his eyes, staring up at Mario.

"You okay?" Mario asks, his eyes showing concern.

"Yeah. Its, it was just a dream." Sid mumbles, pushing his sweat covered hair from his forehead.

"Was it.. about your time in the arena?"

Sidney suppresses his gasp, "You know about that?"

"Of course, Sid." Mario smiles lightly, "And if you ever wanna talk about it, I'm always here."

"Okay.. Thanks." Sidney says quickly, forcing down a sob, "I'm good now. Go get some sleep."

"Alright. You get some too. Big game tomorrow."

 

When the team find out over the summer, they're surprised."You look so innocent." "How'd you do it?" "I never suspected."

Sidney just shrugs and pretends his heart isn't breaking over his dead tribute. Later that night, he muffles his sobs into the pillow in his hotel room.

 

When he meets Evgeni Malkin, Sidney can feel his heart tear through his chest and into the Russian's hand. He's already gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three:

When Sidney meet Alexander Ovechkin, he feel in love with the guy. Not the same way he had Geno, of course, but as a friend. Alex is fucking hilarious and very loyal. How could you not love the guy? Sure, sometimes (most times) he gets under Sid's skin and pisses him off (especially on the ice). But he doesn't hate Alex (or Sanja, as he's so often corrected - which, whatever, he doesn't really do nicknames).

Geno's and Alex's faces when they found out Sid was a Victor were night and day. Geno looked murderous (the same face he makes every time someone brings up the Games), while Alex looked a little.. relieved. Which - okay, weird.

"Sasha was in Games too." Sanja says, gesturing to Alexander Semin. Sid nods, he already knew that.

"Yeah.. I think we're on speaking terms," Sid says, "None of the other mentors like me all that well."

Alex snorts, mumbling something in Russian. That's when Sasha comes up, greeting Sid with "Sidnyusha" and a smile. Alex looks at his teammate, surprise written all over his face, as they exchange soft words in their native tongue.

Sanja slings an arm over his shoulders, "Why you not tell me Sidnyusha is nickname? I very hurt!"

"Good." Sid mumbles, that's when Geno comes back. Hair ruffled and eyes slightly red, his voice is rough - as if he'd been yelling for hours. Although he doesn't speak very much English, Sid listens anyways, the sound of his voice soothing him.

Sasha gives him a knowing look.

~

**2017**

The season has just ended. The Chicago Blackhawks won their third Stanley Cup. Sid's happy for Jonny, even though it's been nearly ten years since he's touched the cool, silver metal.

"Sid!" Flower yells, "Get your ass in here!"

"Why?" Sid asks, using his (not at all) whiny voice.

"Because I said so fuckface!" Flower yells back. Sidney contemplates not going down the stairs in spite.

"Is important!" Geno calls.

Sidney's surprised he didn't hurt himself going down the stairs that fast.

"Hello, citizens!" Head Gamemaker and NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman announces, "This year is going to be a big one indeed." They stopped counting the numbers of the Games because there's to many.

"I'm sure you're all wondering why," Bettman continues, "To celebrate such a long, and wonderful part of our lives, we'll be taking a look at our past.. by rereaping former Victors!"

There are several gasps, someone starts crying. Flower and Duper go rigid on both sides of Sid. He remains calm, though. He doesn't even get why they're freaking out so much.

"The reaping will happen next Monday." Bettman says right before the TV goes black.

Flower shuts off the television, tossing the remote on the coffee table, "Sid-"

"Don't."

"Just hear me out," Flower says, and Sidney remains silent this time.

"I know how you are, how you need to protect everyone. Please Sid.. Don't, don't volunteer for anyone, okay? I don't care who it is. Or the reason for it. Just.. don't. Please." Marc pleads, tears threatening to spill.

"Promise Sid." Geno chokes out.

Sidney looks down at his lap, "Okay. I promise I won't volunteer."

He won't have to volunteer. His name'll get called.

It always does.

~

Geno and the Europeans go back to their home countries the following day, just like they always do. It was as if they expected to see their captain again.

Didn't they know they wouldn't see him anywhere else but on a TV screen?

Watching Geno leave is the hardest - it always is, but now it's worse. Sid's never going to see him again, never going to hear that beautiful voice again.

It's probably for the best.

"Ladies and gents," Nathalie Lemieux says from her stance on the stage, "As you all know, this year calls for a special occasion. So we'll be rereaping Victors!" She looks so sad.

"Our first tribute is.." she reaches her hand into a bowl of slips of paper.

 

"Nikita Kucherov." Ksenyia Gonchar says before reaching back into the bowl, "Alexander Semin."

Sanja chokes down a shout and resists the urge to bury his face in Zhenya's shoulder and sob.

No, he'll do that later.

 

"Henrik Lundqvist!"

 

"Marc Staal." Nathalie says, clearing her throat before going back in. She pulls out a slip, and her face crumples, but she quickly fixes herself.

"Sidney Crosby."

Sid's eyes instinctively go to find his parents but find their spot empty - again. Instead, he sees a gathering of his teammates and some other Canadian NHL athletes. Flower, Nealer, Duper, Mario, Kuni, Tanger, Giroux, Briere, Dutchy, the Staals, and some other people he doesn't recognize. 

Most importantly, he sees the tears in their eyes, all of them. It makes him wonder why they don't understand. Can they not see that this is the greatest thing that has ever happened in his miserable life?


	4. He's Just Not the Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tributes of this are mostly OCs, but some are athletes from other sports. They're not very important, so you don't have to worry about whether or not you know them. This starts out as a flashback to an earlier time and then jumps right back to where the story left off. Then we'll jump to two days later and have a POV change.
> 
> Thanks for reading. )))

Chapter Four:

_Sid knows he should stop drinking. But as he looks at the bottle in his hand, he knows he can't resist._

_With each beer he doesn't feel himself fucking pining over Geno. The memories of Jack, and the Games fade away. He no longer remembers the dirty blonde hair, or chapped lips pressed against his. Rough hands tearing off his clothes, an evil look in those eyes, all gone. Blood covering his hands, seeping into his skin, aren't a reality. The way his pulse races when Geno's around, or when he can feel his heart drop to his stomach every time Geno comes back to Pittsburgh after spending the summer with another Russian girlfriend, don't haunt his every thought._

_It's only temporary. The memories will come rushing to him in the morning, when he hurls for reasons beyond just being hungover._

_At least tonight he can get some sleep without the nightmares._

Sidney consoles each of his crying teammates, patting them on the back and whispering promises of false hope. Only Duper seems to realize this is backwards, he should be the one telling Sid everything would be alright. He easily slips back into his captain mode, telling Duper he needed it more than Sid did in that moment.

He still doesn't understand why they're so sad.

The thought washes over him as he waits for his sister to come. He has no expectations for Troy or his mother, but he's still very close to his sister (who is the only person who truly knows what happened to him, and what goes on in his head).

The guards are forcing him into the back of a van before she comes.

(Something tells him she wasn't going to.)

Sidney glances over at Marc, and realizes Jordy never came to say goodbye to him. Sid and Jordan kind of lost touch when he was traded to Carolina, not that they were very close to begin with. They were still teammates, doesn't that count for something?

Marc looks at him, a small smile playing on his lips. Sid smiles back.

"Sometimes I forget," Marc mumbles, his voice thick with sleep and his eyes droop, "that you're one of us. You seem so innocent, so sweet. It's easy to forget about.. what happened."

"Do you think you're a monster?" Sidney whispers.

"Yeah," The Ranger says, eyelids sliding down, "You?"

"All the time."

~

None of the Canadians have moved since the plopped down across Flower's living room, exhausted from the flight and the days events. Their American teammates come in softly after they do. They look around, eyes frantically searching for someone. Beau instantly bursts into tears and slides onto the ground next to Bort and Paulie, positioning himself between the defense men and cries quietly.

Mario comes over not long after they've all managed to cuddle into one big ball. No one bats an eye when he joins them.

Olli and Kasperi get there at about five in the morning. None of the Pens already there managed to sleep much, their eyes are red and puffed out. They look like and feel like shit, which signals the Fins to the tragedy that has happened while he's still standing by the door.

"Oh, Olli." Beau says, throwing his arms around Määttä's shoulders and pulling him close.

Olli's face hardens, "This is bullshit!"

"I know, babe, I know." Beau sighs, kneading his fingers through his fluffy, blonde hair.

"This isn't fair! He already did his part!" Olli yells, knocking away his boyfriend's hand. Beau frowns, "Why the fuck can't we ever have any luck?!"

"Let's blame all our postseason losses on luck! Let's blame our constant failures and disappointments on fucking luck! That'll fix everything!" Beau shouts back, throwing his hands in the arm.

"It's better than just sitting here moping!"

Flower clears his throat, "I'm going to go outside."

"Me too." Max says, following him outside.

Marc goes into his garage, Max in tow. He isn't sure what his plan was- then a scream escapes his throat.

He kicks and punches at the wall, curses and insults spewing out of his mouth.

This is all bullshit. They can't take away their Sid. Sidney is their captain, their brother, their shoulder to lean on, their _everything_. They can't go on without him, not just with hockey but life itself.

Sidney is supposed to finish Mario's career for him. He's supposed to play at least ten more years, win one or two more Cups, a few more gold medals. Sid still has a long and successful career left, still has a girl he needs to marry, family he's yet to start. How could they do this to him? To anyone?

Max let's him be, standing beside him with tears sliding down his cheeks as he silently watches Marc wreck his own garage.

The goalie stops, hit by a sudden wave of exhaustion as his limbs go numb. He turns to Talbo, and collapses into the center's arms.

They stand there for a while, silently crying on each other's shoulders, enjoying the well needed company.

~

Ovechkin is following behind Geno into Fleury's house, his eyes casted downward. It hasn't even been a day and he already misses Sasha so much. Geno says this much to his teammates when he enters the house. No one actually asks. But Sidney is very meticulous about team chemistry and not letting the "enemy" interfere with that. Speaking of which-

"Where's Sid?" Geno asks, his brow furrowed.

Kuni bursts into a sob, his first one. Duper runs over to his aid, rubbing the winger's back and murmuring condolences into his ear. Ovechkin rubs his face and curses loud in Russian. Geno is the complete. His body has gone rigid and his face, must like the rest of him, is an unreadable statue.

Beau takes a tentative step forward, "G." He says quietly, everyone watching the interaction in silence. Geno flinches away when Beau stretches out his hand.

"He-he kept his promise he didn't volunteer." Bennett tries, the words falling out of his mouth. "He just.. got called. Him and Marc.. Staal. It was.. bad luck."

Geno stares at the floor, his eyes unreadable. Ovechkin is still sitting in front of the door, sobbing quietly. Army looks around the room, deciding whether or not they know. It seems like they don't. That's not entirely surprising. Sid's always been secretive. He doesn't like to tell people about his problems, likes to keep his heart closed off to the rest of the world. If Army hadn't experienced most of Sid's drinking, he probably wouldn't know himself.

"Is something wrong, Army?" Määttä asks, his tone still carrying his anger.

Colby shrugs, "I'm just.. I'm surprised you're all so upset when this is what Sid wanted."

"What?" Mario snaps, his brow furrowed. He stops stroking Kasperi's hair (like he did to Sidney back when he was like) to stare at Colby.

Army rubs the back of his neck. Damn. He knew Sidney didn't like to confess to others he had problems, but how did _Mario_ not know? "Sid's been in a dark place for awhile now.. I don't think he was suicidal but I've had to talk him down from it a few times." He licks his lips, "He didn't have a very bright outlook on life and.. and he drank whenever he could..."

"Why didn't he tell us?" Flower asks, his eyes squeezed shut.

"He doesn't like to tell people about his problems. We all know how private Sid is." Army says a little fondly.

"What was making him so.. sad?" Beau questions, guilt and pity written all over his face. He gently strokes his boyfriend's hair as he holds back the tears.

"He couldn't sleep because of the nightmares, he didn't want to even close his eyes because he always saw Jack. And.. and he was in love with somebody who he thought would never love him back..Then there was the pressure of hockey." Army replies, shaking his head.

Geno looks up at him, his jaw set. He looks pissed off, but still has water building up in his eyes. Ovechkin stands up, leaning on Geno for support.

"We go upstairs." Malkin announces, leading Ovi to the guest room.

~

Sidney takes a look at the Capital. The sky is pink and yellow. A picture of beauty. The buildings are so tall it seems like they touch the sun. It's all so perfect, really.

He hopes the arena looks like this so when he dies he'll be looking at something almost as beautiful as Geno.

Marc snorts. "What makes you so sure you're gonna die?"

Sid hadn't realized he'd been thinking out loud. The answer, however, is pretty simple. "It's a storybook ending. I went into the Games as an underdog, but I fought through every obstacle thrown my way and I came out a fighter, the Capital loved it. Now, the underdog goes back in, this time as a well known character, where I'll die fighting."

Sidney glances Marc, absorbing the shock on his face. "It's what the Capital wants. And they always get what they want."

"You could make it, though." Staal protests. "Be labeled as the fighter who never stops fighting. As a hero, a survivor. You're Canada's golden boy, the face of the NHL for fuck's sake. The whole world would riot!"

Sid looks back to his window, "Isn't that a good thing?"

Marc doesn't say anything else

They don't speak to each for awhile. 


End file.
